Why do I take so much gear with me? It takes two trips with the barrow to get the damn stuff to the swim - which incidentally always seems to be the furthest from the car park. I have often read that the swims nearest car parking are the ones most frequently fished. Not by me they’re not!

So here I am fishing my first session on another Mid-Kent Fisheries Gold Ticket venue. Although it is still only April, one or two fish have been out and the weather has been so mild the fish have been stirring from their winter sojourn.

Sojourn; what a lovely word that is. Why don’t we just say ‘sleep’. It kinda sounds scandinavian. I can hear the Swedish Chef from ‘The Muppets’ saying “sojourn, sojourn, di sodi sodi journ”….

I’m fishing here not because I have used the principals of Fish Location, but because I just fancy it for a bite. How many times do we go fishing with the full intention of doing circuits of the lake, intently scanning the water for the slightest sign of a fish before deciding on where to fish?… Well on here, you could walk around it all day and not see anything. It’s one of those waters where they just don’t ‘show’ very often. Sure, you’ll see something during your visit; or maybe here a bosh during the night. Upping stakes and moving on to it at three in the morning? Nah. Can’t be arsed.

I know this peg has been baited because there are two or three of us who have expressed an interest in concentrating on it. Of only five swims on the entire lake, options are somewhat limited. There is also the question of swim availability.

Principles of Location go flying out of the window when the swim you would like to fish is occupied. As it’s a Tuesday you’d like to think the lake would be at its quietest. There are two other anglers on the lake and it feels ‘rammed’. Only two other pegs left and each of those is next door.

I’m lying on my bed with my eyes closed. Out here in the countryside you’d think there was complete and utter silence; but if you listen carefully, sounds intrude: the very faintest roar of distant traffic, an aeroplane flying overhead, construction work on a site far, far away, birds twittering, the footsteps of someone walking up the road and the almost imperceptible chatter as they speak to someone on the ‘phone.

What you want to hear of course is the boshing and sploshing of mighty carp as they throw themselves from the water… but it doesn’t happen.

When I awake it is light. Cold air is blowing on my face. The wind has turned and is blowing in through the bivvy door. It’s cold - so cold I shiver when I get up to pee. Is there anything harder in life than just Waiting?…